PATTERN  (pat - ern)   A set of written instructions that may or may not result in creating the object in the picture.
     Most patterns include a list of supplies, but this is for your amusement only.  After all, Amazonian Rhesus yarn
     in color #314-smokey turquoise does not exist and cannot be obtained.  Patterns also have fun to do math
     problems, such as "1 dc in next 7 dc (34 dc made)."   ???!!!

GAUGE   (geyj)   An approximate measurement included in the pattern to help you decide if you are using the
    right size hook .... or yarn .... or if you should have even tried this pattern to begin with.

YO  (y-o)  YO stands for Yarn Over, meaning you need to wrap your yarn over your hook.  Of course, this
     assumes the yarn you are using doesn't split, fray, or tangle.  If this happens, YO then stands for
     "Yell Outrageously."

DTRTRC  (d-t-r-t-r-c)   This is crochet code for a double treble treble crochet which is a stitch where you YO 4
     zillion times, insert the hook into a stitch, pull the yarn through the next 2 loops on the hook, then repeat until
     all loops are off the hook, or until the end of time, whichever comes first.

REVERSE SC   (ree-vurs-s-c)   This stitch is the lefty's revenge on all of us righties; for once we have to work
     backwards, too!

CATALOG   (kat-l-awg)   A dangerous device that hypnotizes crocheters.  While in a catatonic state, it causes
     them to spend the family's grocery money on patterns and yarn.  It may also be an evil plot to cause the
     downfall of the American economy.

YARN   (yahrn)   The only reason sheep farms can still exist!  It’s also what crocheters buy when they have
     money. If there’s any cash left over, they buy food and clothes.

HOOK   (hook)   A device that is permanently attached to a crocheter's hand.  It must also be connected to her
     blood supply because, if for some reason it becomes dislodged from her hand, she breaks into a sweat and
     starts to feel faint.  If the hook cannot be immediately replaced, the only valid substitute is a catalog (see
     above).

DOILY   (doi-lee)   At first this innocent item looks just like a table protector but if someone actually tries to put a
     wet glass or an ashtray on it, the creator will instantly turn into Attila the Hun and say such things as, "How
     COULD you??!!" or "Are you CRAZY?!  I worked for weeks on that!"  Use doilies at your own peril.

CAT   (kat)   A non-mechanical device used for unraveling afghans, unwinding skeins of yarn and keeping the
     crocheter's lap warm while working.  Although very efficient at its job, a cat requires minimal daily
     maintenance in the form of light stroking.

DOG   (dawg)   Another non-mechanical device that is used for chasing down balls of thread and putting tooth
     mark engravings in wooden hooks. A very high maintenance item that does not store easily.

COMPUTER   (kuhm-pyoo-ter)   An electronic device that provides a wealth of crocheting information until you
     realize that you are spending more time at the computer acquiring information than you are actually
     crocheting!

HOUSEWORK   (hous-wurk)   A mythological rite that was performed by some women in the B.C. era (B.C. =
      Before Crochet).  Some believe that it may have had something to do with a device called a "vacuum," which
      was kept in a closet now occupied by yarn.

BABIES   (bay-bees)   A valid excuse to crochet something.

CHRISTMAS   (kris-muhs)   A valid excuse to crochet something.

BIRTHDAYS   (burth-days)   A valid excuse to crochet something.

TUESDAY   (tooz-dey)   A valid excuse to crochet something.

THREAD   (thred)   A string like fiber frequently used for lacy crochet work like doilies (see above).  Working with
     thread is a way to increase your visits to your optometrist.

SWEATER   (swet-er)   Making one is proof that your gauge (see above) WAS way off!

BUDGET   (buhj-it)   If it doesn't include "crochet supplies," you'd better work it out again.

WIP   (w-i-p)   Work in Progress

UFO   (u-f-o)   Unfinished Object

HUSBAND   (huhz-buhnd)   The one who reminds you that your WIP's and UFO's (see above) are now taking
    over every room in the house.

CRAFT FAIR (kraft fair)   A place where everyone buys things at every booth except yours.

Disclaimeer:   
For recreational use only.  Do not disturb.  Prize not redeemable for cash value.
If condition persists, consult your physician.  No user-serviceable parts inside.
No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
Do not X-ray.  Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.  For off-road use only.
As seen on TV.  One size fits all.  Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
Colors may, in time, fade.